On being foreign...part 1

In the land of the morning calm, tucked away in the far reaches of the countries smallest towns hidden in the valleys, to the largest cities rising up from the mountainous landscape like a lego village you will find pockets of people who have come to this land from a different place. Sometimes they stick out like a sore thumb, their double eyelids causing quite a stir and their pale skin eliciting laughter and pointing from many a youngster. And as they pass by these pale faced beings a whisper can be heard with their wide eyes of wonder "Waygookin." which means "foreigner."
I find it amusing to think of myself as a foreigner. As someone who doesn't belong, and seemingly never will. I wonder what this can do to your psyche, constantly being called a foreigner until you identify yourself with this.

Identity changes depending on where you are. It makes you take a different point of view in your life. In any given place you could have several different identities, though usually one is the most prominent. It is a strange concept to identify yourself as ‘foreign.’  What does it exactly mean? The OED defines foreign as ‘strange and unfamiliar’ coming from the latin foras, or fortis which literally means ‘outside.’ So being classified as foreign automatically places the stigma of a strange being, something from outside, that you don’t necessarily want inside, an alien. How does having this stigma placed on someone, and never removed, affect the way a person identifies themselves.

I can classify myself as something different depending on where I am. When I am with my niece I am a loving aunt, with my brother I am a sister, and my mother I am a daughter. when I am at school I am a student, a writer, a researcher and an idealist.

When we are called foreign again and again, as we are in Korea, we come to identify ourselves as such, foreigners, and end up calling ourselves the word. This word, for me, has developed somewhat of a negative mean. It has become a dirty word in a sense.

It is only recently that Korea has begun to welcome and embrace different cultures. They prided themselves on being ‘pure’ and un inhabited by these outsiders.. these foreigners. But with a recent influx of military and teaching staff to their country they have had to adapt this attitude.

One of my friends who lives in Korea recently told me that they find being foreign in this county a “strange, horrific and wonderful experience” all rolled into one. She continued to point out that on one hand you get the experience of bringing yourself into a place that hasn’t dealt with you which is awesome, because you get to give them the positive impression you hope to create about these outsiders infiltrating the streets, but on the other hand, its difficult on your psyche to constantly be treated as an outsider, and often ignored, shooed away or blatantly yelled at because your background is different. I suppose coming from a non Asian country where most people have various backgrounds, and we are still of the generation where this is common, that it never would occur to us to identify someone as ‘not the same’ just because they look different. After all, aren’t we all just human beings? 

A little taste of home...

It's no secret that I love food. My expanding waistband is proof of that.
Food food food, in all shapes and sizes (as long as it doesn't contain meat). I love eating it, looking at it, tasting it, smelling it. i just really love food.

I have found over the past few months that my body has been craving the strangest types of food. But nothing more than comfort food. Here I plan to explore a few of my favourites...

There is something about a large pot of chili that just makes you feel so cozy and at home... A big boiling bowl of some extra spicy veggie chilli topped with fresh shredded cheese and a side of Salty Nacho chips. nothing says home like that.
along with this goes tacos. delicious tacos that take you back to when you were a kid. In my house, tacos were always somewhat of a treat, and were usually consumed on a special occasion (or it felt like a special occasion) like a birthday or something. It was a great feeling being able to custom make your own meal and fill your taco shell with as many, or as few delicious things as you wanted.

Rollkuchen and Watermelon... my most favourite summer treat. For those of you who weren't fortunate enough to grow up in a Mennonite household with lots of delicious homemade baked goods and fried breads i will enlighten you on this amazing food. Its basically... fried dough.. a fritter if you will. but when made properly (my mum makes the best ones i have EVER tasted.... no joke... its not just me) you end up with a deliciously light flaky fried good that when you bite off the top, the inside is hollow. This doesn't happen with every one, in my family we call these pieces "puffers." and if you happen to find one that is puffed from top to bottom, you had bet you will be fighting for it. its here the watermelon comes in. Sliced into perfectly long, medium sized pieces you can place the watermelon INSIDE the baked dough.. that's right, INSIDE. once the Rollkuchen is stuffed with sweet red watermelon its time to indulge. Once you take your first bite you will be hooked. The sweet, cold watery flavor of the watermelon mixed with the salty, dry taste of the Rollkuchen is pure ecstasy! I seriously reccomend it.

There are other people who make it different and roll it in the middle.But this isnt the way to go for me, you don't have the opportunity to get a 'puffer' and stuff the watermelon inside. The best part is that if you dont finish all your Rollkucken in one meal, they make a great treat for a few days to come with some more watermelon or spread with you choice of fruit jam!! oh my, there is nothing left to be desired with this delicious summer treat!





I wasnt always a fan of avocados, but in the past number of years they became a staple in my diet. full of healthy fats, and delicious flavour, this vegetable is so versitile it can be used with, on, accompanied by anything! My two... or three favourites though, have to be a tomato, cheese and avocado sandwich, with just a little bit of hummus .. or mayo if you prefer. Its the most delicious sandwich that you could ever eat! I'm picky about my tomatoes so they have to be sliced thin; add your favourite cheese and some nice thick slices of avocado and you have got yourself one killer sandwich! The next would have to be avocado Sushi. there is something to be said about the mixture of rice, seaweed, and avocado, top that with some wasabi and soya sauce and prepare your mouth for a flavour explosion. and the final avocado treat, that we all know and love guacamole! affectionally called guac, this staple can be used for a spread or a dip. You can make it many different ways to accomodate your preference towards garlic, onions, tomatoes, sweet, spicy, salty. I prefer a basic approach with no frills, garlic, salt, pepper and lemon juice, with some baked naan. yum!  Avocados are so versitile that they simply scream home!

Lastly, the good old fashioned breakfast. Bacon (none for me thanks), Eggs, Toast, hasbrowns and orange juice perhaps a tomato (or avacado slice) if you are so inclined. This brings you back to the days of sunday afternoons when the family would get together to sit around the tube and listen to the sound of the eggs crackling and the smell of delicious butter in the frying pan. It always seemed so still in those moments, like nothing could distrub the peace... as time passed this breakfast became a staple 'greasy' meal, something simply necessary after a night out drinking. But, it always remains the same... something that you can look forward to of being familiar and homey. Making you feel better simply by its existence.

These foods are all so tastey and homey feeling that if you are ever feeling homesick or in want of something familiar, each one will bring you just that much closer :)

Students... kids!

Elementary level students are adorable and horrible at the same time. Any native teacher in Korea (or possibly the world) will agree with me. When you look at them, their little rosy cheeks and angelic smiles almost fool you into believing that they aren't tiny devils in disguise... almost... ;)

This morning walking to school I was thinking about the day ahead and dreading the horrible after school classes that always take SOOO much energy and patience out of me. when I happened upon a kid... who is in said after school class... and probably the worst one at that.He was riding his little pink plastic Winnie the Pooh scooter to school. It seems he had seen me walking behind him, and had slowed down in intervals so I could catch up. When i got near to him he stopped and smiled back at me, waving his hand furiously, his little eyes shining sweetly. Since we don't have much ability to communicate with each other he pointed to me, and then the scooter, motioning me to take the handlebars (which are at about waist level). i started laughing at how hilarious this situation would be.... i thought. why not? grabbed the scooter and scooted a few feet ahead... the kid running right behind me laughing and shouting WOOO HOOO!! this was seriously the best start to the day I have ever had. I stopped a few meters down the road and gave him his scooter back. he took it with a huge smile and rode slowly beside me the rest of the way to school. he stopped when we came to an intersection and didn't go until i said it was okay... so cute! we parted ways when we got close to school and he went to show off his scooter to his friends and let them have a whirl.

however, this afternoon was a completely different story. said child comes rampaging into my classroom, screaming his head off... and throwing things all over the place, hitting the other kids and tackling them to the ground (this is a common Korean child pastime I have found- nothing to be too worried about) I sighed and thought about the great one-on-one morning experience i had with this little one... how did his bright shining eyes turn so red all of a sudden? and where did those horns come from? I certainly didn't see them there before. The class continued and he never seemed to settle down. causing disturbances and not listening to a word i or anyone else said. I tried to hold on to that feeling i got this morning,  but it was slowly fading away into the abyss of my memory.

After the class ended and I plopped down in my chair, completely exhausted, the same student came over to me and held out his hand. in it was a tiny chocolate, and said to me "happy teacher? for you" I smiled and melted back into his cute little face. as i took the partially unwrapped chocolate from his hands he smiled at me and walked calmly away...

Its these moments that we must remember when we are looking for the patience to get through the hard times... like every Friday afternoon for me.and they are little angels.. just young and all they want to do is have fun, instead they are stuck in a classroom 6 days a week, 8+ hours a day reading/writing/and arithmetic! TGIF



side note... as i was editing this post- a little grade 1 student (about 5 years old) just came in and gave me a pen with a little handmade flower on top of it..... i suppose its for teachers day tomorrow..he is literally one of the students i talk about when I say they are soo cute! his mother has given him a perm, highlights and he wears the most fashionable clothes... haha. anyways, what a great way to end my Friday.

#78 Why Korea Sucks: It doesnt....

So when i think about leaving Korea I am filled with a total sense of joy and happiness. going back to my familiar town, living near to my family and friends; these ideas fill me with happiness and a desire to leave as soon as possible. But then i think about the things that ill miss when I am gone, and how being in Korea isn't really that bad at all, and that thought is kind of scary. I am immersed in a completely different culture, and i have allowed myself to get swept away into some of the more beautiful habits that this country holds. 

first: Food- A lot of foreigners complain about the food here in Korea, and wish it to be more like American food. Usually the complaints are about the fish based meals; I can understand if you don't have an affinity for fish how this would cause a problem. But living in Korea, I expected to eat Korean food, not western food. Now, I know I sometimes crave familiar foods- but its just that... I crave something familiar, and food just seems to be the easiest thing to rag on- it wont talk back.

It seems to me that a lot of people have dissociated themselves with that fact and just completely given up on even trying to accept and eat Korean food, and thus adapt to the place that they are living. They are trying to create their old world in this new place they have landed. This is a perfectly natural thing to do, to an extent. It feels to me that when we choose to live in a foreign country that we must take the good and the bad, and rather than simply refusing to try something; give it a try, you never know what will happen. In accordance with food.. think of all of the things you loved when you were a child- i can guarantee your palate has changed quite a bit since then; just as it can change with you acclimatise your palate to these new flavors- it might not like it at first- but after a while your taste-buds will settle in, and you can enjoy a truly authentic experience.

"Korean food is delicious and nutritious." We hear it all the time from our co teachers and friends; but have we ever taken the time to stop and listen? To wonder how this could possibly be? Most of the food here is fresh! so fresh in fact that sometimes its still moving on your plate. I know its not always the most appetizing thing to think of eating every part of an animal (including the bladder, blood, feet brains and tounge) but every part that they eat has a 'reason' behind it. there is a nutrient found in these foods that helps you maintain health. Im sure not ALL of these statements made are true.. but some of them must be; and I cant see why they wouldn't. I am served fresh fruits and veggies at every lunch hour, and a soup that couldn't possibly come from a package  or a bag (like most soups would back home in our school caf's)

I am a veggie, so i don't have to deal with a lot of the gross meat related food here, which may make me an hypocritical observer. But I find that there is such a backlash against the food in Korea from the foreigners that it begins to bother me. I almost WANT to try these foods to see what all the fuss and muss is about. Every day I am served a large plateful of fresh veggies (usually in some strange sauce of sorts) and often i find myself thinking about why they prepare these dishes in the way that they do. I look over to my co workers trays and notice huge hunks of meat and fish baked to perfection, bones still in. I look at their shiny hair and great complexions and seemingly healthy disposition and can begin to understand where it might come from. Its not very often you see an obese Korean... whereas in America the obesity rates have risen to such a high level that the centers for disease control estimate that at least "110,000 people die per year due to obesity and 1/3 of all cancer deaths are directly related to it."

"Former Surgeon General Richard Carmona remarked that obesity is a more pressing issue than terrorism, 'Obesity is a terror within. It's destroying our society from within and unless we do something about it, the magnitude of the dilemma will dwarf 9/11 or any other terrorist event that you can point out...'" (killeratlarge.com) [those interested in learning more about this epidemic can go here obesity in America]
I know this is an entirely different issue here but it is a pressing one. and one that i think about when i am deciding whether i want to eat the north American option or the Korean one. I feel that Korean people are more aware of what they are putting into their bodies (a mass generalization i know) and i want to be too.


The food is healthy here and i will surely miss it... (even when I'm eating my delicious poutine... haha)


brings me to my next topic.


Price: The cost of going out to eat here is EXPONENTIALLY less than at home (provided you are going for the non-American option of the yummy Korean food). Tell me a place in North America where you can get a bowl full of veggies and rice, a healthy and filling meal, with all the soup you could ask for, and several side dishes including kimchi, beans, radish, green garlic etc etc. and perhaps even a bowl of hot spicy soup with tofu for under 5$... I dare you to tell me where this exists in America. It simply doesn't! the cheap options include ... fast food, fast food, and more fast food. To go out and get a salad outside of the home costs about the same as it would for 3 people to eat out in Korea.  This is something my wallet and I will dearly miss when we depart.


These are some superficial things ill miss about Korea. within these ideas there are a few other things about the culture that come to mind that will be a happy memory to look back at. the fact that everything is "healthy." the funny little sayings that even the most inexperienced English speakers can say. Ill keep thinking of things as time goes on... but hey, I've still got another year left ;)

Tweet, Tweet, BAM!!

On a recent visit to a friends house here in Korea I met a foreigner who caused me to think a lot about Twitter, and what the implications are of people who 'tweet' are. I have never understood this phenomenon and really couldn't get why people would do it. A few of my friends seem to occasionally indulge but no one could tell me why. I even started my own account to try and figure it out; but found myself with more important things to do then share what I was doing at that moment with the world. So this particular weekend, as we sat drinking our delicious 9,000 won wine from the grocery store, and chatting about life here and there, politics, religion, happiness, travel, meditation, health and everything else you could think of I became a bit more enlightened. Every once in a while the conversation was interrupted by a comment that just didn't flow with the type of nonchalant open air conversation we were having. When we would get to talking about something, sharing our experiences, the newcomer would butt in with "YEAH, well, my last post on twitter...." and finish with something that was somehow related to our topic but not really. He would then continue to regail us with all of his different extraneous 'tweets' that he posted in response to comments made by other people. Each time he would finish he would smile a self-important smile to himself as though he had just made the most profound statment known to man. It was then I realised what twitter is...

Twitter is for people who think that their every thought is so important, that people actually really care.

I mean... do I really care where you are every single moment of every single day? do i need to see a picture of your brother eating a ham sandwich in front of you, or the dairy you are about to purchase? or every 5 mi nutes after you finish another drink/dance/drive etc...  Is it really necessary to share every innane thought that goes through your tiny head? You are a group of people who spend more time twittering about your life than actually living it...

Now I know im saying these things in a blog, which is a public domain in and of itself. But, I don't find myself saying to people "oh man, you should have SEEN what I wrote on my blog the other day... it was like, so sweet" like, no. I write for myself, not for others, if no one reads it. I dont really care. I blog so that I can vent frustrations and share thoughts and ideas with whoever cares to read. Im not putting out random tidbits of information,and sharing them with people in conversations as though they are profound and important thoughts. If someone reads what I have wrote and wants to have a conversation regarding the topic im all for it.

But twitter. my goodness, what a waste of time. So people, if you feel like twittering, go for it- just leave your self important speech out of daily talk for fear of looking like a total moronic, asinine, self righteous  imbecile to those of us who don't really care about your tweet.
tweet, BAM!

Higher Learning

It's Friday, and every Friday is greeted with a very big TGIF! This Friday in particular is a welcome one. This week has been full of ups and downs.

The sun has come out a few times, and I have allowed myself to travel down memory lane as I take my 35 minute walk to and from school each day. For a semester in University a friend and i dedicated our lives to seeing as many Sam Roberts shows as humanly possible. - I think in the end the count for me was 12 in two months? total tally now is about 30... (loser. haha)-  anyways, i dusted off the old MP3 that hasn't been played for a while and found comfort in his lyrics, and happiness in the memories that came along with each word that he said.  On one particularly horrible afternoon, I walked away from the school with a heavy heart and dawdled my feet in the dusty playground gravel towards the gate of the school. As I approached the gate I stopped to lean on the brick block and grab my iPod from my pocket, and watched as the other teachers zoomed past me in their cars; splashing the remnants of the leftover rain onto my coat. As I started my journey home I brightened up as Sam began crooning in my ears. Within moments I was smiling and enjoying the beauty around me. But there was something different, something in the way his words hit me this day brought a completely different meaning to me:  "mass appeal with a solitude spin."   Now having been obsessed with this first album, I have listened to it many times- but never did this particular lyric hit me as hard as it did this day. this is EXACTLY what its like to be an expat in Korea- especially if you live in a small town. But also if you live in a city- I live in a small town so im going to talk about it from this viewpoint a bit more implicitly- but im sure it could effect everyone equally.

Lets look at the first part "mass appeal..."
When you enter your school for the first time, the children treat you as a celebrity. or so I've heard.... this wasn't the case for me in the beginning- i found my students were bored, and even frightened of me. Most of them bowing in respect to me as I walked down the hallway to lunch  but generally cowering out of my way. This has recently changed for me- my students now all high-five me, chase me down the street after school, follow me into stores and buy me chocolates. It's all really nice, and it makes me smile. One of the charms of living in a small town is that the ONLY children i see- are the ones that i teach- and since i teach all of the grades at all of the schools- ALL of them know me. Its a pretty interesting feeling; and sometimes I find myself smiling the whole way home when this happens. I stand out to them as someone they admire- simply because I come from another country- its this standing out that creates the confusion between the two worlds...
The other type of appeal comes from the very basic idea that when you move to korea you will be adopting a new culture, a new life, and making pretty good money while doing it. The appeal to come to Korea, in the beginning was just that; a place to make money to pay off my loans- and have a cultural experience, all in the while living abroad. Which lets face it, a lot of people would like to do, and i have heard it countless times- the idea of living abroad is so fantastic, you would have a hard time finding someone who doesn't enjoy at least the thought of doing it. 

on the other hand "... with a solitude spin" is really where the largest amount of emphasis can be placed.
Being in a foreign country, away from your family, and loved ones and immersed in a completely different culture can be really difficult. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining- I'm the one who choose to come to Korea- and I really enjoy getting to know different cultures, meet new people and travel- its my passion. But being an expat makes you stand out- and this, as they say, can be really lonely. I don't like the compare myself to that of a celebrity- but here you go. You know how they say "its lonely at the top" I now totally, and completely understand this. I am surrounded by people wanting to talk to me, wanting to look at me, and say hello- but at the end of the day- I go home to an empty apartment and wonder- "where have all the good people gone." (ha-sorry another Sam Roberts tune) As I continue my time here as an expat I am constantly considering this, and how it effects the lives of myself and others.

Right now, I am unable to communicate on a deeper level than basic necessity to anyone around me. There is no deeper meaning behind our communication but what we must say to get by. I will fade in and out of their lives as a fond memory- much like Sam Roberts himself will be one day for me- a good story: "remember when we saw that foreign girl..." Indulging in small talk so that they can get their fill of the celebrity; "the solitude spin." I recently had a brief chat about the importance of deep conversation in a persons life (ironic I know)- and how this related to happiness- as opposed to brief encounters. The study showed that on average people who engage in deep conversation more often than simple small talk, generally had a better disposition and were less apt to be depressed than those who rarely to never had deep conversations.

When all you get are brief encounters, things can begin to get a little slippery, but when we allow ourselves to see the beauty of this and relish in its importance in our lives,  I can begin to understand just a little bit more- how we can change the feelings of loneliness into feelings of solitude and peace. For happiness is not something that finds you, its the consequence of a great personal effort.

"time is a slippery fish... but we will rise like a phoenix from the ashes"

This is my good side

first i have to say, this is something based on personal observation and is in no way directed towards ALL  of Korean people. only towards a part of its culture that i strive to understand. 

In Korea I have been subject to a lot of things that are different and strange because of the change in culture. The biggest one that i have encountered that becomes more and more evident to me as time passes is this idea of saving face. This means that you must always put your best face forward. Well on the outside this seems like a great idea, always show the best part of you, it extended into the whole being of Korea. the very essence of Korean culture is riddled with this idea of never showing anything that may display a weakness or an ounce of thought beyond what is told to you.

This phenomenon does not only occur in a business setting also on a social and romantic level. Korean people are trained to think that they must never show a weak side. If you display any kind of mental instability you are considered an outcast. As a woman if you express to your feelings of concern about your life or any problems you may have towards your mate, you would be considered weak minded and would be chided against. There are very rare cases of anyone going to see a therapist for stress related illnesses, and most times these people do it in secret; in order to save face. I cannot understand this thinking.

So, what we get is a society who are all afraid of each other. And no one is more to fear than the one that is higher in position, age or business status than you. Although I feel a certain amount of respect is due; and I find it cute when the young boys don't even think twice to help an old lady cross a street, or find their seat on the train when they cant see the ticket themselves; its the entitlement to this respect that gets me. If you see an ajjuma (an older grandmother- usually stooped over wearing some type of crazy mismatched outfit) coming towards you, you sure as hell better get out of the way or you may end up with an elbow in the face, or laying flat on the ground. No one would dare to stop her from cutting in the line you've been waiting in for 25 minutes, because that would simply be rude. But... i guess my western mind thinks, "how is someone cutting in line just because they feel entitled not rude?" The other day I was waiting to buy a train ticket, and the wait was rather long. In front of me was a middle aged woman who actually worked at one of the many stores in the station. behind me was a woman who was a bit older than her, a grandmother in her own right, and ajjuma. Now the closer we got to the front, the closer then woman behind me got to having her face in my butt (note: the aforementioned bend over-ness of ajjumas) and i was not relenting. Although this may make me a rude ignorant westerner, i just could not see what would be positive about keeping in how i feel about this particular situation. The woman in front of me, clearly sensing what was happening, gave me a small smile and a twinkle in her eye re-enforced the idea, to me, that I WAS ENTITLED to my spot in line. When the woman left to go get her ticket i felt the ajjuma slowly creeping up behind me even closer. I knew as soon as the next ticket agent was ready she would make a dash past me for it. I wondered to myself why she was actually doing this, and if i could possibly be overreacting. Was she doing this to me because i was a westerner? she surely didn't try to get in front of any of the other waiting Native people? or was it because she is older than me, and thus, in the Korean world, could do whatever she wants and no one would say a word? or was it simply because she had to get somewhere in a hurry?
When the next ticket agent became available i walked in that direction only to be almost herded down by this woman to beat me to the spot. I looked at the ticket agent in shock and he looked back at me with a slightly apolgetic look, but served the ajjuma before me.

This seemingly small encounter with a woman like this, happens almost every single time I exit my little hole in the wall apt. and is not an unknown phenomena amongst foreigners and natives alike. ( we were warned this would happen, by a Korean man, at our orientation at the beginning of our stay) But where does this entitlement come from?? and how has it been festered and nurtured. Koreans are scared. They are scared of EVERYTHING that might make them feel anything but placid. When they begin to feel as though they themselves do not like something, or they are overjoyed with something, or they are being treated unfairly etc etc... they feel as though this is wrong. its wrong to feel because then you aren't putting the best face forward. and we must show to the world our best face. It seems to me that Korea feels as though they need to prove they are the best. that their pop stars are the most beautiful, that their men are strong and handsome, that they do NOT cry, that their women are tough nurtures, that they do not have STD's and that all of their husbands are neverendingly loyal. It's as though if they want to feel, they must lock themselves in a room. All of my co-teachers are constantly telling me how much stress they have, but they also say they must never show it. I think they feel comfortable telling me because i speak English, and would never reveal their secret to the other Korean co-workers. I have met at least 4 people who have had family members or close friends commit suicide. Its no wonder the suicide rate in korea is almost as high as the birth rate (haha, joke... at the expense of the birth rate in korea- which is the lowest in the world). I also met a young boy the other day who is in my school who apparently tried to shove himself off. he came to me with bandages all over his arm and showed me the cuts he had made. This really worries me, considering the child is in Grade 4. Its quite sad that someone so young would consider something so drastic, and that its such a normal thing for koreans to hear about, that its no longer shocking to them.

So it seems to me, that after years of saving face, and hiding what you want, and what you think, that these ajjumas have finally had enough, and THEY become the ones that the others must fear, they are the ones with the entitlement, and, hell, if i had waited 50 years to be able to say something when i feel it, id be taking it for all it was worth too. 

The I guess the idea of saving face is that you must never show weakness. I was told last week that there is a young girl in my school who has left to go to the hospital. my first thought was that something physical had happened to her. It was then explained to me that during the last period in class, the girl began to cry. You see, the girl has been brought up by her 85 year old grandmother. she is just 14 years old. Now, i don't know about you, but if you think of the overbearing screaming woman i described earlier bringing up a little girl; the girl might have some problems. The teacher explained to me that the grandmother never allowed the girl to speak when she was in the home. And that she had frequently tried to tell this to her friends, but they soon weren't her friends anymore, because this is simply not something that is discussed. i was told "you do not talk about your family or your feelings with anyone." Hmmm... a young 14 year old girl living with an 87 year old woman, and she isn't allowed to talk. I have taught this young girl for almost a year now, and have always noticed her. always alone, soft spoken, kind of tiny and raggedy looking and very smart.  I was told she would be entering a 'brain hospital' where she would be examined for the next couple of months. all because she started to cry in class!!! DID ANYONE THINK TO ASK HER WHAT WAS WONG?! I do not know the answer to this, but i was simply shocked by the idea of a young 14 year old girl with hormones a- raging would be sent away for crying.to a mental hospital at that! Now this isn't to say i know everything about this girl, only the information provided to me, but i think the girl simply needed someone to talk to. someone to show that they give a damn about what she thinks, feels, and wants out of her life. Why must everything be so regimented.

I have no end to this rant as it is an ongoing battle i have within myself and the korean culture.  I try to understand it from their point of view, and i try to not feel this sense of entitlement myself... but i just don't like getting pushed around.

hello again

so i have failed as of late to update this blog, and for this i am sorry. i suppose it has been for the lack of adventure in my life these days. The students were on vacation, which meant that i came to sit in my desk everyday and do absolutely nothing. this lasted for about a month and then we had one week of classes and then graduation ceremonies for each grade moving up to the next.  the semester ended and the kids went on spring break before the start of a new year. Classes have begun again, but things are still a little buit slow.
I do what to write a post about my trip to the Philippines. I have done a few new things since then though.

Dan and I made the adventure to Seoul and the DMZ. The DMZ is the Demilitarized zone between North Korea and South Korea where people can go on sanctioned tours on this side accompanied by ROK guards (korean soldiers) and US Army soldiers. It was a really amazing experience. We were able to go to the JSA (Joint Service Area) where we actually stepped into North Korea. Pretty amazing stuff. What struck me the most about being able to experience this was the way that the ROK guards and American guards portrayed theN. Korean guards. They explain to us their childish behavior. In order for us to step into North korea, we were brought into the Joint Meeting room. this is a room where the North and South can come to meet peacefully and have talks regarding whatever issue is on the table. Both the North and South do tours to the JSA. When the North Korean guards are in the room they apparently re-arrange all the furniture and take off their shoes and walk on the tables barefoot, one footprint is even etched into the table for some reason or another. they told us that the north korean guards will make negative hand signals at them, giving them the finger and making slashing motions at their throats. There was even an incidence where there was a photograph taken where one guard was seen blowing his nose with the American flag and another was shining his shoe with the Korean flag. They no longer keep large silk flags in the room for this reason, instead all of the countries who support the end of the communist regime in N. Korea, and come to the talks have their flags under glass in the Meeting room. We then went to several different places. the bridge of no return, which is a bridge between north and south korea where the POW were traded back after the war. they had a choice where they wanted to go. but there would be no changing their mind, thus the name. we were brought to an area where we could view the propaganda city in North Korea as well. where we saw the giant flagpole and fake city that they created in order to look as though they are a prosperous nation. Again, its all about face.
I have found the idea of face in korea to become exceedingly more evident the longer i am here. The idea of this is, that you put your best face forward. Which in and of itself isnt such a bad idea. but when you take it to the level of not saying something you feel, or allowing things to happen to you unjustly or unfairly that will cause you stress in the long run it just seems wrong!- for further insight on this see my next post!
The DMZ was a really eye opening experience for me, and one that i wont forget. I would really like to visit North Korea one day and see the DMZ from their side. It seems so sad the suffering that they endure, and the fact that they remain ignorant to it is the hardest part for me to bear.

Dan and i also had the opportunity to go to the Cheongdo bullfights! (he lives in Cheongdo so it was kind of perfect) it was a really exciting event... uhhh... kind of. we had a lot of fun, but after seeing one or two bulls smash their heads into eachother it was enough and we went out into one of the tents to have some food and sample the dongdong-ju (rice wine) that was being offered by the local patrons. It was all in all a lovely day. Its the biggest bullfight in Korea apparently, where all the national competitors come together to fight. a lot of the bulls had robes on and 'championship belts' over their backs. haha this made me think of being a kid and watching the WWF and suddenly the bulls took on a whole new persona. each one had its own name and character. Most of the people at the fight were a bit older, it seems the art is lost on the younger Korean generation, but they were defiantly full of vigor as each new competitor stepped into the ring. There were a ton of booths set up outside as well where you could sample the local food and fare. You could make pottery, bow and arrows, get your face painted or ride a mechanical bull... i tried it, but the machine was broken so i just sat on top of the bull for a photo-op. We ended the night at Dan's school owners restaurant where the boys enjoyed outdoor korean BBQ and we got to play with an outdoor golden retriever mix. he was muddy and cute.. just like my puppy back in Canada.

update

So, its been a while since i have posted. i have about 4 posts started that i will have to finish this week. and post. perhaps ill amalgamate them into one, since they mostly deal with the idea of the holiday season.
I have been faced with a few challenges over the past couple of weeks. getting through the holidays without my family and friends was probably the hardest thing i have had to do in a while.However, i did have a very memorable and wonderful Christmas. 
I have now entered into the 'extra classes' phase of the year. This is the time of year when students are 'off school' for the month of January. This however does not mean that they do not come to school or continue with their lessons. No, in fact it seems as though the students have a more rigorous schedule; moving from place to place starting at 9am and finishing god knows when! I suppose its to prepare them for the level up they are about to embark on (in march). But classes are on. students are able to sign up for classes specific to what they would like to improve on. Every week there are different classes, and some are for 3-4 hours per day. I find it absolutly amazing that these children are in school rather than enjoying their time off, as many north americans would be doing. Its great but at the same time, there are a lot of reasons why continual school isn't the best thing. 
I have been struggling with the childrens inability to imagine things since i arrived. i have attempted to challenge them to 'create.' to make something of their own that may be new and original. Yet, time after time, this fails. they are strictly regimented and without rigid structure are completly lost. They have no idea where to go. In a recent class i had set up a project for the students to 'create their own superhero.' I thought they might enjoy this; seeing as how these types of charachters are often popular. I explained to them what a superhero was, and how, for our case, they didn't necessarily have to be a masked character. Twilight, a popular phenomenon world round, can see Edward and Jacob as hero's for our case. I then challenged them to come up with a name and a special trait that their hero had.  This took  45 minutes.Their creativity and ability to think 'outside the box' is simply not there. It seems to be stripped away at a young age. They are forced into these molds and unable to escape from them for fear of standing out.

So for two weeks i teach two classes, each is two hours long. its not too bad. the first is the 3rd grade middle school. they have yet to show up for class, there are only 5 studnets signed up for classes. but they just haven't shown up. fine with me, only i spent a whole week coming up with a lesson plan for them. oh well...