Tweet, Tweet, BAM!!

On a recent visit to a friends house here in Korea I met a foreigner who caused me to think a lot about Twitter, and what the implications are of people who 'tweet' are. I have never understood this phenomenon and really couldn't get why people would do it. A few of my friends seem to occasionally indulge but no one could tell me why. I even started my own account to try and figure it out; but found myself with more important things to do then share what I was doing at that moment with the world. So this particular weekend, as we sat drinking our delicious 9,000 won wine from the grocery store, and chatting about life here and there, politics, religion, happiness, travel, meditation, health and everything else you could think of I became a bit more enlightened. Every once in a while the conversation was interrupted by a comment that just didn't flow with the type of nonchalant open air conversation we were having. When we would get to talking about something, sharing our experiences, the newcomer would butt in with "YEAH, well, my last post on twitter...." and finish with something that was somehow related to our topic but not really. He would then continue to regail us with all of his different extraneous 'tweets' that he posted in response to comments made by other people. Each time he would finish he would smile a self-important smile to himself as though he had just made the most profound statment known to man. It was then I realised what twitter is...

Twitter is for people who think that their every thought is so important, that people actually really care.

I mean... do I really care where you are every single moment of every single day? do i need to see a picture of your brother eating a ham sandwich in front of you, or the dairy you are about to purchase? or every 5 mi nutes after you finish another drink/dance/drive etc...  Is it really necessary to share every innane thought that goes through your tiny head? You are a group of people who spend more time twittering about your life than actually living it...

Now I know im saying these things in a blog, which is a public domain in and of itself. But, I don't find myself saying to people "oh man, you should have SEEN what I wrote on my blog the other day... it was like, so sweet" like, no. I write for myself, not for others, if no one reads it. I dont really care. I blog so that I can vent frustrations and share thoughts and ideas with whoever cares to read. Im not putting out random tidbits of information,and sharing them with people in conversations as though they are profound and important thoughts. If someone reads what I have wrote and wants to have a conversation regarding the topic im all for it.

But twitter. my goodness, what a waste of time. So people, if you feel like twittering, go for it- just leave your self important speech out of daily talk for fear of looking like a total moronic, asinine, self righteous  imbecile to those of us who don't really care about your tweet.
tweet, BAM!

Higher Learning

It's Friday, and every Friday is greeted with a very big TGIF! This Friday in particular is a welcome one. This week has been full of ups and downs.

The sun has come out a few times, and I have allowed myself to travel down memory lane as I take my 35 minute walk to and from school each day. For a semester in University a friend and i dedicated our lives to seeing as many Sam Roberts shows as humanly possible. - I think in the end the count for me was 12 in two months? total tally now is about 30... (loser. haha)-  anyways, i dusted off the old MP3 that hasn't been played for a while and found comfort in his lyrics, and happiness in the memories that came along with each word that he said.  On one particularly horrible afternoon, I walked away from the school with a heavy heart and dawdled my feet in the dusty playground gravel towards the gate of the school. As I approached the gate I stopped to lean on the brick block and grab my iPod from my pocket, and watched as the other teachers zoomed past me in their cars; splashing the remnants of the leftover rain onto my coat. As I started my journey home I brightened up as Sam began crooning in my ears. Within moments I was smiling and enjoying the beauty around me. But there was something different, something in the way his words hit me this day brought a completely different meaning to me:  "mass appeal with a solitude spin."   Now having been obsessed with this first album, I have listened to it many times- but never did this particular lyric hit me as hard as it did this day. this is EXACTLY what its like to be an expat in Korea- especially if you live in a small town. But also if you live in a city- I live in a small town so im going to talk about it from this viewpoint a bit more implicitly- but im sure it could effect everyone equally.

Lets look at the first part "mass appeal..."
When you enter your school for the first time, the children treat you as a celebrity. or so I've heard.... this wasn't the case for me in the beginning- i found my students were bored, and even frightened of me. Most of them bowing in respect to me as I walked down the hallway to lunch  but generally cowering out of my way. This has recently changed for me- my students now all high-five me, chase me down the street after school, follow me into stores and buy me chocolates. It's all really nice, and it makes me smile. One of the charms of living in a small town is that the ONLY children i see- are the ones that i teach- and since i teach all of the grades at all of the schools- ALL of them know me. Its a pretty interesting feeling; and sometimes I find myself smiling the whole way home when this happens. I stand out to them as someone they admire- simply because I come from another country- its this standing out that creates the confusion between the two worlds...
The other type of appeal comes from the very basic idea that when you move to korea you will be adopting a new culture, a new life, and making pretty good money while doing it. The appeal to come to Korea, in the beginning was just that; a place to make money to pay off my loans- and have a cultural experience, all in the while living abroad. Which lets face it, a lot of people would like to do, and i have heard it countless times- the idea of living abroad is so fantastic, you would have a hard time finding someone who doesn't enjoy at least the thought of doing it. 

on the other hand "... with a solitude spin" is really where the largest amount of emphasis can be placed.
Being in a foreign country, away from your family, and loved ones and immersed in a completely different culture can be really difficult. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining- I'm the one who choose to come to Korea- and I really enjoy getting to know different cultures, meet new people and travel- its my passion. But being an expat makes you stand out- and this, as they say, can be really lonely. I don't like the compare myself to that of a celebrity- but here you go. You know how they say "its lonely at the top" I now totally, and completely understand this. I am surrounded by people wanting to talk to me, wanting to look at me, and say hello- but at the end of the day- I go home to an empty apartment and wonder- "where have all the good people gone." (ha-sorry another Sam Roberts tune) As I continue my time here as an expat I am constantly considering this, and how it effects the lives of myself and others.

Right now, I am unable to communicate on a deeper level than basic necessity to anyone around me. There is no deeper meaning behind our communication but what we must say to get by. I will fade in and out of their lives as a fond memory- much like Sam Roberts himself will be one day for me- a good story: "remember when we saw that foreign girl..." Indulging in small talk so that they can get their fill of the celebrity; "the solitude spin." I recently had a brief chat about the importance of deep conversation in a persons life (ironic I know)- and how this related to happiness- as opposed to brief encounters. The study showed that on average people who engage in deep conversation more often than simple small talk, generally had a better disposition and were less apt to be depressed than those who rarely to never had deep conversations.

When all you get are brief encounters, things can begin to get a little slippery, but when we allow ourselves to see the beauty of this and relish in its importance in our lives,  I can begin to understand just a little bit more- how we can change the feelings of loneliness into feelings of solitude and peace. For happiness is not something that finds you, its the consequence of a great personal effort.

"time is a slippery fish... but we will rise like a phoenix from the ashes"

This is my good side

first i have to say, this is something based on personal observation and is in no way directed towards ALL  of Korean people. only towards a part of its culture that i strive to understand. 

In Korea I have been subject to a lot of things that are different and strange because of the change in culture. The biggest one that i have encountered that becomes more and more evident to me as time passes is this idea of saving face. This means that you must always put your best face forward. Well on the outside this seems like a great idea, always show the best part of you, it extended into the whole being of Korea. the very essence of Korean culture is riddled with this idea of never showing anything that may display a weakness or an ounce of thought beyond what is told to you.

This phenomenon does not only occur in a business setting also on a social and romantic level. Korean people are trained to think that they must never show a weak side. If you display any kind of mental instability you are considered an outcast. As a woman if you express to your feelings of concern about your life or any problems you may have towards your mate, you would be considered weak minded and would be chided against. There are very rare cases of anyone going to see a therapist for stress related illnesses, and most times these people do it in secret; in order to save face. I cannot understand this thinking.

So, what we get is a society who are all afraid of each other. And no one is more to fear than the one that is higher in position, age or business status than you. Although I feel a certain amount of respect is due; and I find it cute when the young boys don't even think twice to help an old lady cross a street, or find their seat on the train when they cant see the ticket themselves; its the entitlement to this respect that gets me. If you see an ajjuma (an older grandmother- usually stooped over wearing some type of crazy mismatched outfit) coming towards you, you sure as hell better get out of the way or you may end up with an elbow in the face, or laying flat on the ground. No one would dare to stop her from cutting in the line you've been waiting in for 25 minutes, because that would simply be rude. But... i guess my western mind thinks, "how is someone cutting in line just because they feel entitled not rude?" The other day I was waiting to buy a train ticket, and the wait was rather long. In front of me was a middle aged woman who actually worked at one of the many stores in the station. behind me was a woman who was a bit older than her, a grandmother in her own right, and ajjuma. Now the closer we got to the front, the closer then woman behind me got to having her face in my butt (note: the aforementioned bend over-ness of ajjumas) and i was not relenting. Although this may make me a rude ignorant westerner, i just could not see what would be positive about keeping in how i feel about this particular situation. The woman in front of me, clearly sensing what was happening, gave me a small smile and a twinkle in her eye re-enforced the idea, to me, that I WAS ENTITLED to my spot in line. When the woman left to go get her ticket i felt the ajjuma slowly creeping up behind me even closer. I knew as soon as the next ticket agent was ready she would make a dash past me for it. I wondered to myself why she was actually doing this, and if i could possibly be overreacting. Was she doing this to me because i was a westerner? she surely didn't try to get in front of any of the other waiting Native people? or was it because she is older than me, and thus, in the Korean world, could do whatever she wants and no one would say a word? or was it simply because she had to get somewhere in a hurry?
When the next ticket agent became available i walked in that direction only to be almost herded down by this woman to beat me to the spot. I looked at the ticket agent in shock and he looked back at me with a slightly apolgetic look, but served the ajjuma before me.

This seemingly small encounter with a woman like this, happens almost every single time I exit my little hole in the wall apt. and is not an unknown phenomena amongst foreigners and natives alike. ( we were warned this would happen, by a Korean man, at our orientation at the beginning of our stay) But where does this entitlement come from?? and how has it been festered and nurtured. Koreans are scared. They are scared of EVERYTHING that might make them feel anything but placid. When they begin to feel as though they themselves do not like something, or they are overjoyed with something, or they are being treated unfairly etc etc... they feel as though this is wrong. its wrong to feel because then you aren't putting the best face forward. and we must show to the world our best face. It seems to me that Korea feels as though they need to prove they are the best. that their pop stars are the most beautiful, that their men are strong and handsome, that they do NOT cry, that their women are tough nurtures, that they do not have STD's and that all of their husbands are neverendingly loyal. It's as though if they want to feel, they must lock themselves in a room. All of my co-teachers are constantly telling me how much stress they have, but they also say they must never show it. I think they feel comfortable telling me because i speak English, and would never reveal their secret to the other Korean co-workers. I have met at least 4 people who have had family members or close friends commit suicide. Its no wonder the suicide rate in korea is almost as high as the birth rate (haha, joke... at the expense of the birth rate in korea- which is the lowest in the world). I also met a young boy the other day who is in my school who apparently tried to shove himself off. he came to me with bandages all over his arm and showed me the cuts he had made. This really worries me, considering the child is in Grade 4. Its quite sad that someone so young would consider something so drastic, and that its such a normal thing for koreans to hear about, that its no longer shocking to them.

So it seems to me, that after years of saving face, and hiding what you want, and what you think, that these ajjumas have finally had enough, and THEY become the ones that the others must fear, they are the ones with the entitlement, and, hell, if i had waited 50 years to be able to say something when i feel it, id be taking it for all it was worth too. 

The I guess the idea of saving face is that you must never show weakness. I was told last week that there is a young girl in my school who has left to go to the hospital. my first thought was that something physical had happened to her. It was then explained to me that during the last period in class, the girl began to cry. You see, the girl has been brought up by her 85 year old grandmother. she is just 14 years old. Now, i don't know about you, but if you think of the overbearing screaming woman i described earlier bringing up a little girl; the girl might have some problems. The teacher explained to me that the grandmother never allowed the girl to speak when she was in the home. And that she had frequently tried to tell this to her friends, but they soon weren't her friends anymore, because this is simply not something that is discussed. i was told "you do not talk about your family or your feelings with anyone." Hmmm... a young 14 year old girl living with an 87 year old woman, and she isn't allowed to talk. I have taught this young girl for almost a year now, and have always noticed her. always alone, soft spoken, kind of tiny and raggedy looking and very smart.  I was told she would be entering a 'brain hospital' where she would be examined for the next couple of months. all because she started to cry in class!!! DID ANYONE THINK TO ASK HER WHAT WAS WONG?! I do not know the answer to this, but i was simply shocked by the idea of a young 14 year old girl with hormones a- raging would be sent away for crying.to a mental hospital at that! Now this isn't to say i know everything about this girl, only the information provided to me, but i think the girl simply needed someone to talk to. someone to show that they give a damn about what she thinks, feels, and wants out of her life. Why must everything be so regimented.

I have no end to this rant as it is an ongoing battle i have within myself and the korean culture.  I try to understand it from their point of view, and i try to not feel this sense of entitlement myself... but i just don't like getting pushed around.

hello again

so i have failed as of late to update this blog, and for this i am sorry. i suppose it has been for the lack of adventure in my life these days. The students were on vacation, which meant that i came to sit in my desk everyday and do absolutely nothing. this lasted for about a month and then we had one week of classes and then graduation ceremonies for each grade moving up to the next.  the semester ended and the kids went on spring break before the start of a new year. Classes have begun again, but things are still a little buit slow.
I do what to write a post about my trip to the Philippines. I have done a few new things since then though.

Dan and I made the adventure to Seoul and the DMZ. The DMZ is the Demilitarized zone between North Korea and South Korea where people can go on sanctioned tours on this side accompanied by ROK guards (korean soldiers) and US Army soldiers. It was a really amazing experience. We were able to go to the JSA (Joint Service Area) where we actually stepped into North Korea. Pretty amazing stuff. What struck me the most about being able to experience this was the way that the ROK guards and American guards portrayed theN. Korean guards. They explain to us their childish behavior. In order for us to step into North korea, we were brought into the Joint Meeting room. this is a room where the North and South can come to meet peacefully and have talks regarding whatever issue is on the table. Both the North and South do tours to the JSA. When the North Korean guards are in the room they apparently re-arrange all the furniture and take off their shoes and walk on the tables barefoot, one footprint is even etched into the table for some reason or another. they told us that the north korean guards will make negative hand signals at them, giving them the finger and making slashing motions at their throats. There was even an incidence where there was a photograph taken where one guard was seen blowing his nose with the American flag and another was shining his shoe with the Korean flag. They no longer keep large silk flags in the room for this reason, instead all of the countries who support the end of the communist regime in N. Korea, and come to the talks have their flags under glass in the Meeting room. We then went to several different places. the bridge of no return, which is a bridge between north and south korea where the POW were traded back after the war. they had a choice where they wanted to go. but there would be no changing their mind, thus the name. we were brought to an area where we could view the propaganda city in North Korea as well. where we saw the giant flagpole and fake city that they created in order to look as though they are a prosperous nation. Again, its all about face.
I have found the idea of face in korea to become exceedingly more evident the longer i am here. The idea of this is, that you put your best face forward. Which in and of itself isnt such a bad idea. but when you take it to the level of not saying something you feel, or allowing things to happen to you unjustly or unfairly that will cause you stress in the long run it just seems wrong!- for further insight on this see my next post!
The DMZ was a really eye opening experience for me, and one that i wont forget. I would really like to visit North Korea one day and see the DMZ from their side. It seems so sad the suffering that they endure, and the fact that they remain ignorant to it is the hardest part for me to bear.

Dan and i also had the opportunity to go to the Cheongdo bullfights! (he lives in Cheongdo so it was kind of perfect) it was a really exciting event... uhhh... kind of. we had a lot of fun, but after seeing one or two bulls smash their heads into eachother it was enough and we went out into one of the tents to have some food and sample the dongdong-ju (rice wine) that was being offered by the local patrons. It was all in all a lovely day. Its the biggest bullfight in Korea apparently, where all the national competitors come together to fight. a lot of the bulls had robes on and 'championship belts' over their backs. haha this made me think of being a kid and watching the WWF and suddenly the bulls took on a whole new persona. each one had its own name and character. Most of the people at the fight were a bit older, it seems the art is lost on the younger Korean generation, but they were defiantly full of vigor as each new competitor stepped into the ring. There were a ton of booths set up outside as well where you could sample the local food and fare. You could make pottery, bow and arrows, get your face painted or ride a mechanical bull... i tried it, but the machine was broken so i just sat on top of the bull for a photo-op. We ended the night at Dan's school owners restaurant where the boys enjoyed outdoor korean BBQ and we got to play with an outdoor golden retriever mix. he was muddy and cute.. just like my puppy back in Canada.

update

So, its been a while since i have posted. i have about 4 posts started that i will have to finish this week. and post. perhaps ill amalgamate them into one, since they mostly deal with the idea of the holiday season.
I have been faced with a few challenges over the past couple of weeks. getting through the holidays without my family and friends was probably the hardest thing i have had to do in a while.However, i did have a very memorable and wonderful Christmas. 
I have now entered into the 'extra classes' phase of the year. This is the time of year when students are 'off school' for the month of January. This however does not mean that they do not come to school or continue with their lessons. No, in fact it seems as though the students have a more rigorous schedule; moving from place to place starting at 9am and finishing god knows when! I suppose its to prepare them for the level up they are about to embark on (in march). But classes are on. students are able to sign up for classes specific to what they would like to improve on. Every week there are different classes, and some are for 3-4 hours per day. I find it absolutly amazing that these children are in school rather than enjoying their time off, as many north americans would be doing. Its great but at the same time, there are a lot of reasons why continual school isn't the best thing. 
I have been struggling with the childrens inability to imagine things since i arrived. i have attempted to challenge them to 'create.' to make something of their own that may be new and original. Yet, time after time, this fails. they are strictly regimented and without rigid structure are completly lost. They have no idea where to go. In a recent class i had set up a project for the students to 'create their own superhero.' I thought they might enjoy this; seeing as how these types of charachters are often popular. I explained to them what a superhero was, and how, for our case, they didn't necessarily have to be a masked character. Twilight, a popular phenomenon world round, can see Edward and Jacob as hero's for our case. I then challenged them to come up with a name and a special trait that their hero had.  This took  45 minutes.Their creativity and ability to think 'outside the box' is simply not there. It seems to be stripped away at a young age. They are forced into these molds and unable to escape from them for fear of standing out.

So for two weeks i teach two classes, each is two hours long. its not too bad. the first is the 3rd grade middle school. they have yet to show up for class, there are only 5 studnets signed up for classes. but they just haven't shown up. fine with me, only i spent a whole week coming up with a lesson plan for them. oh well... 

Christmas Cheer 09

So, as expected this Christmas was a very different and emotionally challenging one for me. Its hard to experience something in a country where it doesn't exist. In Korea, Christmas really doesn't exist. even though out of the 54.5% of Koreans that declare religious affiliation, 29.3% of them are Christians. (the only thing coming close is Buddhism at 22.8% the other 2.4% are various alternative religions ). The way that Koreans celebrate Christmas seems to be the way that they do everything in this country, including getting married... most of it is for show. They have the trees and a few lights up on the main streets, some signs in the large department stores and the kids yelling "oh santa" when they see an image of good old st. nick. But the meaning of christmas is completely lost. the idea of getting together with family and/or loved ones is not something that they see as a necessity at this time of year. That is the thing im missing most this year. Its very challenging for me to be away from my family, in this place that doesn't feel, look or act like a holiday is coming up. Again, its a Confucius country, so i was aware that these things wouldn't be as prevalent as they were at home, but even the feeling you get. the warmth in your heart, the smile you get as you hear christmas carolers or see children running in the snow laughing... its just not as accessible here. luckily i have great family  and friends and i was bombarded thoughtful, loving notes, cards and gifts to help me get through, even though i ' actually able to be there to squeeze everyone with love... 

I had the privilege of attending a wedding on Christmas day in Busan. I did not know the couple getting married, but the idea of getting married Christmas day seemed a romantic notion to me and i was more than willing to witness a Korean wedding (which i had heard about. a lot of 'for show' production) and i was not disappointed. It seemed as though the man and woman had barely met. they walked stiffly down the isle, and then back up it and down it a third, and fourth time.. each time the photographer following them; hoping to get the perfect photograph. The whole room was packed with people. people standing, sitting, walking around, talking laughing, eating.... no one seemed to be paying any attention at all. Coming from a western world, where at a wedding we sit and watch the bride and groom say their vows and dedicate themselves to each other i found this quite strange. Where we see marriage as a thing of beauty, that is found in love, and commitment, it seems that often times in korea marriage is something out of necessity. Im not saying this is all bad. it is part of their culture, and in some cases love can be found with each other after the necessity is met; or through the necessity. The brides dress was beautiful, even though she looked like she was scared half to death of the stranger standing beside her at the alter. They then proceeded to take pictures with different groups of people. the male teachers students came up and sang him a song, laughing the whole way through, which i thought was really cute. The inclusion of ones students in a teachers wedding is very common in korea, and most would take offense if their class did not attend. 
In any case, it was a wonderful day. we ended off the afternoon with a lovely trip down to the fish yard (sounds romantic doesn't it) haha. but at the fish market on the first floor you can buy fish and on the second floor you can eat it, fresh. they have chefs that buy the fish right there and cut it up for sashimi for you!! so great!  it was the most delicious meal ever and a WONDERFUL christmas dinner!! 

But why....

So, i have been trying to keep this blog lighthearted and kind. however, i think the time has come when we need to lay out some truths about Korea. i have had enough inconsiderate mindless people ruining my day, and this is the time to air those grievances.

i have been given an amazing opportunity by coming here. i am truly blessed to be able to have experienced a different culture first hand not once, but three times in my life. These are invaluable experiences that i will cherish forever, and i am sure some of the people i meet here will be with me forever. i know my time spent in Holland changed the way that i did some things and am able to still keep those some important ideals and habits that i learned while i was there. 
however, there doesn't seem to be many ideals or behaviors that i would want or need to pick up from Koreans.
this past week i was victim to one of their many self serving behaviors that really don't compute to the average person. I have a hard time fitting in in my elementary school. its not for lack of trying. the teachers just dont seem to enjoy being around me. yes they are polite and will ask what my plans are for the weekend. the gr 6 teacher even smiles and waves at me when i enter the school. i thought i had made some headway when she started to try to speak a little english to me and ask me how she can get better so we can talk. however, all of this was dashed last week Friday. it was a regular day, no one pays attention to the white girl sitting in the English room. the room was getting a little stuffy and the sun was shining so i stood up to go and stand by the window that i had opened a crack and get some sunshine on my face. Much to my surprise i see the gr 6 class (that i was supposed to be teaching at that moment, but failed to show up) and all of the teachers standing outside getting their pictures taken. since its yearbook/graduation time i figured thats what it was for. I have to admit i was a bit surprised when i saw this, b.c. all of the teachers were involved, yet... no one had bothered to come and get me. am i not a teacher? do i not belong? so i walked downstairs only slightly bothered by this notion to get a coffee. as i passed by the door all of the teachers had lined up in front of it. one of the teachers turned around and offered a friendly "hi bryn" to me. i waved at her. it was then that another teacher turned around and said "teacher photo for yearbook, go away"  i stood there astonished for a moment. unsure if i should run away crying or lunge at the throat of said teacher. then all of them turned around and looked at me and shooed me away on me saying "you are in way" i retired to my room, completely forgetting about the coffee and allowed myself to give into the sorrow of this situation. 
It was s ad dark day for me and one i wont forget. how could they be so thoughtless? do they not realize that i am in a foreign country here, and if they were in my country i feel certain that i would do my best to include them in things even to the point of being annoying, not try to ignore them and make them feel unwanted. i wonder if they realize what its like being from somewhere else in this horrid little town; away from the people i know, away from my family, my friends... and i may need a little bit of kindness...  everyday i struggle with this thought. 
so. that being said. things here aren't always peachy, in fact sometimes they down right suck. but when you look at life, its not going to be the negative things to remember, it will be the positive experiences you gain from these emotional breakdowns. the positive people that enter your life and bring a huge change. I am excited everyday as well. excited for the new adventure that this country will bring me. and how the things that are happening now are really minute in the journey towards my superlative goals! 
So i will continue to tolerate this behavior, if not trying to teach them a more considerate way of living. sometimes i observe these people and understand the differences and sometimes its more difficult. today was one of these days....